I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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