Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
