he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
