i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
