She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
