i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
