Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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