Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
