Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
