he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
