fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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