This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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