Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
