No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
