He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
