The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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