Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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