I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
