If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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