Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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