I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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