you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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