i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
