I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
