Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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