i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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