redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
