Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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