You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
