I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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