Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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