if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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