it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
