i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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