Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
