I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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