I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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