Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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