It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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