Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
