Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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