Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
