Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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