Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
