Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
