Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
