I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
