apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
