A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bring me that man meat
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
