youre lurking in front of me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
