Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
