if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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