i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
