I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
