a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
