she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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