I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you had me at cake vodka
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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