the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
