he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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