he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
