dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
