so explain again why im purple
no
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My life is pants optional.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
