I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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