I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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