Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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