I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
