Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
