My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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