he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
