just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
