my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
