its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
