Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
